This is not a love story. This is a story about love.
Last night, my evening was filled with listening and laughing to well written lines, a thought out soundtrack and the intense sorrowful eyes of Joseph Gordon-Levitt mooning over the loss of Zooey Deschanel (who was PERFECT in this role of "Summer". And yes, JGL is the cute and dorky kid from "3rd Rock from the Sun").
But how true is this quote?? Love stories are vastly different than stories about love. Why do I say this? Because a love story always has a happy ending and is filled with cliches and all of the joys of dating and love and none of the heartaches. A story about love however is grittier, with the faint expectation that it just won't work out, because that is how life is. And it is only at that chance moment in time that you meet the one person, when you know he/she is right, that you know, regardless of what life throws at you, as long as you're with that one person, things will be ok. You get your happy ending even though you have to kiss a lot of frogs before Prince Charming shows up.
A narrator starts the movie with the quote,"This is a story of boy meets girl. But you should know up front, this is not a love story", and it leads into the romantic musings of a boy who falls in love at first sight with a girl, who just isn't quite sure about him. We've all been there right? You meet someone, things are great, everything is all rainbows and sunshine......and then the little voice inside your head starts to ask you some irritating questions like, " Did he just really pick his nose in front of you? Why does he insist on leaving his socks on the living room floor?! Why does he always break out into song at parties? Does he always sweat this much during sex?".
And then you realize that all of those things that were great, were great at that moment, and when it comes down to it, the realization that this person could be it annoys the hell out of you and you can't fathom spending the rest of your life living with his quirks or else you're going to want to stab yourself in the eye with a Q-tip to deaden the pain.
They say that commitmentphobia is what makes people who are in happy relationships take off for the hills, and I'm inclined to agree to a certain extent. (That psychoanalytic argument is for another blog). But sometimes......JUST sometimes, you wake up one morning and realize that you aren't going to fall in love with this person; regardless of how wonderful of a person he/she is. How do I know? I know because I have been both the receipient and the presenter of these feelings and no matter what team you play for, it is never easy, nor is it pleasant.
Now, as a woman watching this love develop by JGL for Summer, I am jealous. I mean who wouldn't want a guy who adores you? Who noticed your birthmark, the way your hair looks? Your smile? A guy you can share funny moments with, run around Ikea and play house in the mock floor displays? Who you can tell your most vulnerable stories to, because you know he will keep them as safe as you have.
But it has happened to me where this awesome and thoughtful person is someone you can't open yourself up to. It doesn't feel right, not because you're trying to keep something from them, but because it wouldn't change your feelings for them. As I saw Summer's metamorphosis and her pulling away physically and emotionally, I couldn't help but recall mirroring her feelings and body language for a guy I had dated not too long ago. I thought it was my hectic schedule and life, but those were just excuses. And it wasn't his fault. It wasn't mine really either. It just wasn't right.
On the flipside, I've been JDL's character Tom, because I have met someone in my past who I fell instantly in love with. Who, from the moment we talked I got butterflies in my stomach and the whole body blush whenever he leaned over to whisper into my ear. He made me feel shy, in that way that makes your eyes shine and you breathless when he shows up on your doorstep, or when his name flashes on your phone screen. He was in one word..PERFECT. We shared the same passion for literature, musicians, exchanging the Sunday NYT while having eggs (scrambled) with coffee(cream and sugar) and fantasized that when we grew up we would have one of those old fashioned libraries with the ladders on wheels to be able to reach the very tippity top shelves of our overladen bookcases. He had a tattoo, even though he didn't look like the type and had this way of looking at me that made me feel like I was the most important person in a room. We traded books and gave hints to our favorite bits of the story and anticipated the other's reaction.
How did it end? It didn't end the way I wanted it to. We wrote now and then to just say hello, but never approached what hadn't happened for us. It broke my heart, and I thought for a long time I would never fall in love again. I would never have that sort of instantaneous recognition of another soul so familiar it could almost be your own.
But years have passed, and although I still think about him fondly and with a hint of regret that it didn't work out for us, I know that it wouldn't be the same without love. So now I wait for that moment when I meet that one person who feels the same way I do without hesitation.
There is a scene at the end of the movie where JGL and Summer meet in a special spot. She has sought him out, and he looks terrified when he sees her, but hopeful and they talk. At one point JGL asks her what was so different, that someone who didn't believe in love could change her mind and get married.
The lines are vague recollections from the movie, but I hope they give the gist (Unfortunately, I don't have that super awesome boy ability to recall movie quotes but not remember to pick up the dry cleaning).
Summer: "I just woke up one morning and I was sure....
Tom: "What made you sure about him but not me...."
Summer: "One day I woke up and I knew that he was the one. The feeling I never felt with you."
So this film has taught me that it isn't a love story that is destinied to happen. It is a story of love with all of its challenges which make the true love story worth the wait.
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